In April of 1997 and again in May, attempts were made to provide all the Nunkies Anonymous members with anatomically correct clones of our dear Nunkies. It has been brought to our attention that there are a few RatPackers among us. While we don't condone this strange addiction, every attempt is now being made to afford them equal opportunities.
NUNKIES FOR ALL AND ALL FOR NUNKIES- Part 3: OH RATS!
NiteRose and Puckypoo sat at the table watching the celebration. The new clones were a success. While Rose pondered what to do with the old ones, Libby made a few suggestions about diapers and baby powder. A wicked gleam formed in Libby's eyes.
"Ya know." she said." I'm not really a Nunkies Addict. I'm only here by court order, and we DO have a cloning machine now, how about we....."
"Libby!" Rose replied," that would be sacrilege. You know we designed that machine to clone Nunkies. How could you even think of such a thing?"
"Easy." Libby said, wiping the drool from her lips. "I'm a RatPacker and the machine's half mine."
"But what if the others find out? They'll take away my Nunkies and ban me from the Jeweled Peach." Rose said, her eyes glazing over at the thought of Nunkies.
Libby waved her hand in front of Rose's eyes. "Earth to NiteRose, Earth to NiteRose." she said. "Come in NiteRose." Not getting any response, Libby pulled out a copy of this years tax forms and put them in front of Rose.
"ICK! Get that away from me." Rose said in disgust.
"You know it takes two people to work the machine." Libby said, smiling wickedly. "Either you help me or I'll turn your Nunkies clone into a Richard Simmons look-alike."
"You wouldn't. " Rose said, looking worried. "You couldn't. Would you?" Libby sat nodding her head. "Oh, alright. But remember, I didn't want to. You twisted my arm."
Libby clapped her hands in delight. "YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!" she squealed. Looking around to make sure they weren't being watched, NiteRose and Puckypoo slipped quietly down to the lab. Taking the cover off the machine they inspected the knobs, buttons and lights. Everything seemed to be in working order.
"Before we get started." Rose said. "How are we gonna get Screed to come here? You know we need the real thing in order to get a perfect clone."
"I got that covered." Libby said, producing a sack full of rats. " I'll lure him here with these."
Rose looked at Libby. "Are you sure that will be enough?"
"I can use these too. " Libby grinned, pulling out copies of Screed's Big Adventure and its sequel.
"But I thought he couldn't read." Rose said, puzzled.
"He can't, just his name. But just like any other male, he's a bit vain. Likes to see his name in print."
Libby walked across the room and opened the small window. She grabbed the rat sack and placed it in the center of the floor. Reaching inside, she selected the largest one and bit it's tail , drawing blood.
"Ugh." said Rose. "What was that for?"
Libby smiled. "Added incentive.
Taking the pages of her stories, she spread them in a line, leading into the cloning machine. Libby turned on the computer and called up the RatPackers page. Clicking on the links, she located a picture of the ratboy himself. Hurrying back to the center of the room, she rolled out a large fan, pointed it toward the sack and turned it on. "Quick." she called out. "Hide!" The smell of fresh rat blood drifted out of the window and down the alley.
They didn't have long to wait. In an instant, Screed was climbing through the window.
"Some droog must be lookin' out for ol' Screed." he said, smiling. "Din-Din an' a warm-like place fer a bit o' shut eye afterwards."
Looking around he noticed the papers. Walking carefully up to them, he scanned the page. His face lit up when he recognized his name. Anxious to see how many times it appeared he followed the trail into the machine. There staring back at him was a picture of himself.
"Right 'andsum pic-torial if I dew say so meself. Must be sumthin' set up by tha' Puckypoo I keep 'earin' tale of. Got the drools fer me bad, she does."
Libby sprang out from her hiding place. "How right you are." she said as she slammed the door shut.
"We really shouldn't be doing this Libby." Rose said. "It could be trouble."
"We're only gonna make one." Libby said, smiling. "Who'll know?"
Rose stepped toward the machine. Carefully she added some chemicals. Looking around she gathered up a patch kit, and some superglue. Slowly she placed them in the machine. "We forgot something." she said looking at Libby.
"What? You put in the glue and the patch kit. He won't leak."
"The fantasy manual." Rose said, "We can't use the fantasy manual for Screed. It won't work. I guess we'll just have to call this off." A relieved look crossed her face.
"Wait." shouted Libby. "I have it!!" Rummaging through her pack she produced a book, the size and shape of the NFM.
"What is THAT?" Rose asked her, eyeing the book suspiciously.
"It's a copy of Dreams O' Screedypoo. I carried it with me all through the war. It should work." Libby was drooling again.
Taking the book between her thumb and forefinger, Rose carefully added the book to the machine. Libby rushed up and threw the switch, activating it. It shook, shuddered, squeaked and squealed, occasionally making horrible grinding noises. An hour later the door opened and the Screed clone stepped out.
"It worked!" Libby shouted, jumping for joy. Grabbing the Screed clone she hurried him into a small room and slammed the door behind her. The real Screed carefully poked his head out of the machine. Watching Rose, he made his way to the center of the room. Rose, was too shocked to move. Quickly he snatched the sack and disappeared out the window, mumbling his thanks as he left.
Sometime later Libby emerged from the room. Her face was covered with dirt smudges and a large grin. Rose looked into the room. There on the small bed sat the Screed clone, humming to himself as he cross-stitched Libby's name on his shorts.
"What are you gonna do with him? You can't keep him here." Rose asked. A wicked look crossed Libby's face. "I'll think of something." she said as she walked back into the room, and closed the door behind her. Rose heard the key turn in the lock. Walking swiftly across the room, she threw the cover back over the machine and turned off the lights in the lab. Rose just managed to escape through another door as she heard, " I know what I heard, and I heard Screed's voice." Rose smiled to herself and hurried up the back stairs. Putting her arm around her Nunkies clone, she made her way toward the hot tub.